How About Living A Mediocre Life?

In life for 47 years, in job for 26, married for 20 springs, raising 2 kids with all the hoopla around raising children and leading a reasonably successful business for 15 - I think it was time to introspect and plan further. The savage hunt chasing materialism, financial stability, emotional peace, managing social pressures, business volatility have taken a toll. My pursuit of promising and finding both - personal triumph and global happiness, has been reasonably underachieved. Do I want continue to pursue it like this forever or should the hunt now subside? 

Look around. The world is such a noisy place. The loud, hallucinating voices with a constant tone asking me to rush, to better myself, make a fortune, strive for more, crave, compete, and ask for more. Become bigger and better than everyone. That sleep is a daily death one goes through. Instead trade your sleep for productivity. Go chase excellence. Make it large. Go big or go home. Make an impact. Multiply your profits. Leave a legacy behind. Make your mark in the world before you go!

Over the years, I have come to realize that all these voices, thoughts and desires will not slow down and will only pick up pace. Until I decide to control it. And also drive it to a conclusion. Simply by shifting the goal post and brining it closer to where I want to reach. I have decided to run the half-marathon because I am closer to reaching it and do not want to run for the other half of my life.

But, what if I just don’t want all this anymore? Or what if I want to renounce to the world that I am done and done with what I have or don’t have? What if I proclaim that all this yearning for excellence saddens and leaves me depleted. And also deprives me of the joy. Am I simply not enough for what I have already done?

What if I all I want is a slow and simple life as I am most happy in the space of the in-between where peace, calm and tranquility lives, then what’s wrong? So what if I decide to adopt mediocrity and have chosen to be at terms with that? What if I don’t want to be anything beyond what I already am? Beyondanything when I grow up further in life– beyond a son, brother, husband, father and of course being a friend to some. And people in my affinity group know they are loved and that I would choose them again, given the choice. Can this be adequate and enough for them or me?

What if I never built the biggest company in my business? But still ensure that a few hundred people we employ are the most happy people working and those who like to come to work every single day with smiling faces and that they enjoy the liberty to take a day off when they don’t want to get up from the bed without an iota of fear in their minds.

What if I just accept this mediocre body of mine that is neither fat nor slim? Just in between. And I don’t force myself with the desire to work-out in the gym only because I value my sleep more than that. And not because I want people to tell me that I look better and forget it but not necessarily mean it either. 

What if I still live in a middle class neighborhood and not a mansion? But my home is comfortable, cosy, welcoming and serves great food n comfort to every family member and to the guest as per their desire. What if I value my roots and childhood home more than the pride of living in a posh locality commensurate with my social status?

What if I am not cut out for the frantic rat race of this society and cannot keep up? Because every-time I run fast and beat my own limits, someone with limitless energy emerges and runs faster than me. I realize there can be no end to this. That being outpaced is like your role in a battle. You either get beaten or end up beating your sensibilities. No point. 

What if I don’t want to promise myself with a better life? Because I feel this is a better life already! I don’t want to play the game anymore. Because being in the game is like being in a maze. You only keep solving it. 

I feel I deserve a lot of solitude, understanding, calm, rest to my mind, body and soul. Can I just say that I deserve this and that what I have done already is just enough? And can I still happily live after this profound proclamation and not be misinterpreted as being closer to end of my life, desires or my capabilities to perform? Or the fact that I am going somewhere away! No I am most certainly not.

All I want that I accept my limitations and stop accusing myself for doing that to myself  But, instead respect myself for taking this step. All that i desire is that my new found affection of being in between is not viewed in contrast to excellence. All that I want is a slow (not retarded), simple (and not deprived) life. A serene and mediocre life! That would be enough.