How About Living A Mediocre Life?

In life for 47 years, in job for 26, married for 20 springs, raising 2 kids with all the hoopla around raising children and leading a reasonably successful business for 15 - I think it was time to introspect and plan further. The savage hunt chasing materialism, financial stability, emotional peace, managing social pressures, business volatility have taken a toll. My pursuit of promising and finding both - personal triumph and global happiness, has been reasonably underachieved. Do I want continue to pursue it like this forever or should the hunt now subside? 

Look around. The world is such a noisy place. The loud, hallucinating voices with a constant tone asking me to rush, to better myself, make a fortune, strive for more, crave, compete, and ask for more. Become bigger and better than everyone. That sleep is a daily death one goes through. Instead trade your sleep for productivity. Go chase excellence. Make it large. Go big or go home. Make an impact. Multiply your profits. Leave a legacy behind. Make your mark in the world before you go!

Over the years, I have come to realize that all these voices, thoughts and desires will not slow down and will only pick up pace. Until I decide to control it. And also drive it to a conclusion. Simply by shifting the goal post and brining it closer to where I want to reach. I have decided to run the half-marathon because I am closer to reaching it and do not want to run for the other half of my life.

But, what if I just don’t want all this anymore? Or what if I want to renounce to the world that I am done and done with what I have or don’t have? What if I proclaim that all this yearning for excellence saddens and leaves me depleted. And also deprives me of the joy. Am I simply not enough for what I have already done?

What if I all I want is a slow and simple life as I am most happy in the space of the in-between where peace, calm and tranquility lives, then what’s wrong? So what if I decide to adopt mediocrity and have chosen to be at terms with that? What if I don’t want to be anything beyond what I already am? Beyondanything when I grow up further in life– beyond a son, brother, husband, father and of course being a friend to some. And people in my affinity group know they are loved and that I would choose them again, given the choice. Can this be adequate and enough for them or me?

What if I never built the biggest company in my business? But still ensure that a few hundred people we employ are the most happy people working and those who like to come to work every single day with smiling faces and that they enjoy the liberty to take a day off when they don’t want to get up from the bed without an iota of fear in their minds.

What if I just accept this mediocre body of mine that is neither fat nor slim? Just in between. And I don’t force myself with the desire to work-out in the gym only because I value my sleep more than that. And not because I want people to tell me that I look better and forget it but not necessarily mean it either. 

What if I still live in a middle class neighborhood and not a mansion? But my home is comfortable, cosy, welcoming and serves great food n comfort to every family member and to the guest as per their desire. What if I value my roots and childhood home more than the pride of living in a posh locality commensurate with my social status?

What if I am not cut out for the frantic rat race of this society and cannot keep up? Because every-time I run fast and beat my own limits, someone with limitless energy emerges and runs faster than me. I realize there can be no end to this. That being outpaced is like your role in a battle. You either get beaten or end up beating your sensibilities. No point. 

What if I don’t want to promise myself with a better life? Because I feel this is a better life already! I don’t want to play the game anymore. Because being in the game is like being in a maze. You only keep solving it. 

I feel I deserve a lot of solitude, understanding, calm, rest to my mind, body and soul. Can I just say that I deserve this and that what I have done already is just enough? And can I still happily live after this profound proclamation and not be misinterpreted as being closer to end of my life, desires or my capabilities to perform? Or the fact that I am going somewhere away! No I am most certainly not.

All I want that I accept my limitations and stop accusing myself for doing that to myself  But, instead respect myself for taking this step. All that i desire is that my new found affection of being in between is not viewed in contrast to excellence. All that I want is a slow (not retarded), simple (and not deprived) life. A serene and mediocre life! That would be enough. 

Silent Prayers: Are they less effective?

A couple of years back, I was travelling for work and in the early hours of night, the sleep was illusive and I really couldn’t figure out anything else to do. In those moments of indecisiveness, I opened the adjoining chest of drawers in the hotel room and picked up the Holy Bible for a quick dekho. Since, I was not specifically looking for anything in particular; I unintentionally shuffled the pages but eventually engrossed myself in some chapters for a casual read. This piece of writing further details out the answers to some questions roaming for long in my mind. I never realized that this would be a thought provoking writing session, months later during the pandemic.

My session with The Bible, landed me on some verses which mentioned something about silent prayers. The text was quite engrossing and elaborated that the silent prayers by an individual are as effective as the other modes of prayers and devotion we offer viz – visiting places of worship, group meditations, charity thru religious institutions, reading spiritual texts, fasting to please GOD etc.

My growing up years, and almost all my married life, I have seen my mother and my wife quite diligently offering (and enforcing) one or more mode of prayers. We have a designated mini room in our home which is called mandir room. I guess most homes in India have a designated corner if not a room in their homes for such Godly things. A post-shower worship is a must do by women in our home – time permitting or not. I must confess that I and others in the family have been silently submitting to the mandate without raising an eyebrow or asking a question. We even have a ritual at home to offer bhog to the God’s idols three meal times a day – a practice I remember from childhood. We saw no harm in it and if submitting to their wishes brought our home a little bit more of peace and prosperity, so be it.

I often wondered during the above submissions, if visiting a temple or any designated place of worship or bowing down to the deity’s idol’s at home were the ultimate and only available form of prayers which would please God and let Him bestow His blessings. The Bible had some strong references to it. The Bible mentions though not recommends about praying in private. I wonder, what is the difference between praying aloud or silently if you are by yourself? There are some circumstances where only silent prayer is appropriate, e.g., praying for something that needs to stay between you and God. And what could potentially be wrong with praying silently? Why do I have to fold my hands or kneel on my knees to form a physical gesture to be heard?

If you ask me - I prefer to pray silently without folding hands, reciting mantras or closing my eyes.  I have my own connection with the supreme power and that connect needs to be strictly personal; irrespective of what I seek for myself or others around me. I feel secure if my prayers are not visible, heard or shared. I do not like to raise a hoopla around my moments of seek.

I am of the belief that it certainly does not mean that silent prayer is any less valid than praying out loud or in necessary vision of those around me in a crowd. God being omnipresent and omnipotent, can most certainly hear our thoughts just as easily as He can hear our words.  Nothing we do, say, or think is hidden from God any which way, so He does not need to hear our words to know our thoughts. He has complete access to all our prayers or call-outs directed to Him, whether or not they are spoken. Haven’t we all been told as kids that God is watching us every moment and HE knows everything that we do or think?  Then, why this shift of faith and belief system when we grow up?  Why do we visit temples to offer prayers and do satsangs at home to purify and be heard to Him.

I wonder and I am sure you all as well believe that we live in a world which is so evolved with science yet so engrossed with religion. The Pope, the Hindu mode of Idol worship, the temples, the churches, the mosques - the whole lot of wealth around these religious institutions is proof enough that societies are made to feel insecure and are hence asked to choose their religion; select their and GOD and then invited to pray and then pay. The entire system encourages us to visit a place of worship – pray and give our offerings in some form or the other. More specifically, in every country, religion is an agenda.. an agenda to power, to encourage networking, to amass wealth. It has been an orchestrated system which works like a well-oiled machinery to achieve political and economic designs around the world. History is testimony to many such political conquests invasions and takeover of businesses built around religion and God. You will be surprised to Google and discover how in Western economies, churches govern governments and also venture funds. However let’s leave this for now lest it ruffles some feathers.

The belief system are also shaken when I Encountered some friends, who were liberally giving offerings to religious trust, temples, churches  priests and several other religiously inclined institutions which gives them a social standing, but not to a charity which genuinely works towards helping poor, downtrodden and needy. I deep dived into their thoughts and realised they found the former to be a gateway to associate with God and a gateway.to their moksha while giving to a charity is a thought that seldom crosses their mind, I believe, they raher trust a religious instruction which will open a few more temples, churches, mosques run unaudited accounting books as against a professional run genuine philanthropic initiative. Their gestures of funding religion is loud, pompous and visibility oriented. Funding a charity is silent, quieter way of reaching God.

I am abiding by my code. And if the Holy Bible mentions it, means it has been a thought to several others as well, ages back. In the light of these facts, I want my prayers to be pure and devoid of any material instincts of offerings to God. He doesn’t need them. Silent prayers are good for me. And they have worked as well.

I have understood and made my own interpretations about the distinct difference between religion and spirituality. I chose spirituality over religion. You may choose otherwise,